Is Taking a Day off Work for Your Period "Un-Feminist"?

Most of my male friends will probably cringe at the title of this post. There’s only a ten percent chance my dad will read this, and I’m seriously considering blocking my grandma out of concern that reading the title alone will give her a stroke. Women aren’t supposed to talk about periods. It’s supposed to be private, whispered about in rest-rooms, and referred to by code names more creative than those of Russian war operations. Lately though, I’ve been beginning to see that as a problem. Why should something that plays such an important role in a woman’s life be so taboo? With that in mind, I want to discuss the way that a woman’s period is treated in the workplace. Of course, I have a limited amount of experience and information to draw from, so if you have a unique perspective to add, please don’t hesitate to leave a comment! This whole thought process began recently when one of my friends called in sick to her job. She announced to a group of us that she was calling in sick because it was “that time of the month” and her cramps were borderline unbearable. That triggered a discussion on whether or not women should be able to call for a “time out” during their periods, and whether or not doing so inhibits one’s ability to be feminist. Several of my friends agreed that her actions were a hindrance to the feminist cause. Some even cited it as a pride issue, noting that they just wouldn’t feel right calling in for that reason. They claimed that since males don’t call into work once a month, females shouldn’t either. If we want the same rights as men, and if we want to be included in a traditionally all male work place, we ought to work like the men that were here before us.  That viewpoint makes sense. It’s been applied towards women in the workplace for years now, and is unlikely to change anytime soon. It is, however, problematic, and I’m going to explain why. 

First, any statement that starts with “women ought…” and doesn’t end with “to have the same rights as everyone else,” is probably not feminist.  It plays into the idea that in order to be accepted into mainstream, working society, women need to fit an ideal mold.  Saying “women ought to have a 27-inch waist,” “women ought to stay at home with the children,” or “women ought to work during their periods,” is equally demeaning. It also caters to an “add women” version of feminism, which implies that a chauvinistic society need not change in order for equal rights to occur, but that instead women can simply be added to the pre-existing structure. We’ve seen that this doesn’t work. The chauvinistic system is chauvinistic for a reason. It needs to be remodelled, not just expanded on the same scale. Catering to the needs of women doesn’t have to be a bad thing when it means that a patriarchal hiearchy is restructured in order to work better for both genders. When listening to your body and calling in sick when you need to is acceptable in the work place, that’s an advantage for men, too. Imagine the decrease in workplace illness that would happen if no one felt the need to stumble into work sick one day a year and infect everyone else. If listening to your body were not just okay, but actually encouraged, workplace health would go through the roof. Productivity, then, should follow in suit. This means that opening up the workplace is good for men, good for women, good for workers, and good for business owners. Win, win, win, win. It’s extremely rare for a solution to win on so many levels, but this one simply does.

Women in the work place should not be viewed as a problem, and neither should their periods. Women are an asset; periods are a result of a women’s menstrual cycle. Nothing problematic about that. It’s time that we examine our attitudes towards women’s health as problematic, and not the women themselves. When we do this, it allows for a broader view of circumstance, a new dimension in which to solve problems, and a lot more engaged people to solve problems with.

So, is it un-feminist for women to call in sick during their period? Nope. Not if they feel sick. Saying “my body has this need and I am going to maintain my physical and mental wellbeing my meeting it” is not un-feminist, it’s healthy. Women bring different and unique skills and talents to the workplace and are not a homogenous group. Not every woman needs or wants to call in sick to work during her period. Insisting that all women take time off for their periods each month would be just as chauvinistic as refusing to allow those that need to do so to have the time off.  It is the micro-managing of women and the judging of their every move that is un-feminist. A woman in the workplace is constantly being watched, not for achievements, but for signs of weakness. She is watched to see if she can fit into the same mold as a man can, and often, she simply can’t or doesn’t want to. Women are not men with boobs. They are not three levels lower than men, they are different, unique specimens. They are unique from each other, and they are unique from men. They can make their own choices about health, about when they need to call in sick, about whether to work or raise a family (or both!) and pretty much everything else.  Women bring an immense amount of value to situations, and looking away because that value is not packaged in a traditionally masculine package is not only chauvinistic, it’s stupid. It’s stupid because marginalizing women means marginalizing 50% of the world’s work force. It’s the equivalent of having fifty kids try out for football tryouts, sending all the ones with blonde hair home, and then choosing the team based on the remaining twenty five.  Right now, our world simply can’t afford that kind of stupid. Forcing women into a box is un-feminist. Requiring women to work when in excruciating pain is un-feminist. Calling in sick because your body needs you to take some time off? That's not feminist nor un-feminist, it's just healthy. 

With all of that being said, here are my tips for budding feminists in the workplace. Call in sick to work when you are sick. Throw yourself into your work so that you are adding and taking unique things from your environment. Try to give more than you take, because this is how you'll feel the most fulfilled.  Do not compare yourself against the men you work with, or against the women you work with. Realize that you are a unique being with unique skills and unique needs. Be honest with yourself about what those are. Most importantly, make your contributions to your work uniquely you, with no parts scribbled out or on hold. Adding a whole new dimension is so much more special than adding more paint to the same wall.

What do you think? Should women be allowed to call in sick during their periods? Join the discussion in the comments below! 

An Open Letter to the Mom of the Loud Kid at the Doctor's Office

To the Mom of the Loud Kid at the Doctor's Office,

I don't know your name. I don't know what kind of family you live in, if you're rich or poor, if you have one kid or ten. All I know is that one of your kids is really, really loud, and that you are really, really awesome. How do I know that? Well, today as I was sitting in the office of a walk in clinic and trying to appear as unattractive as possible so that no one would talk to me, you and your son walked through the door. Clearly, your son did not want to be at the doctor's office. Fair enough. Neither did I. He also was obviously not a neuro-typical child.  I could tell, even from the brief glance I took as I tried to separate myself from the mob of staring sick people eyeing your child, that he struggles with communication and socialization. At maybe nine or ten, he was screaming every syllable he knew how to pronounce to let you know that he did not want to be in that doctor's office, and it should have been explicitly clear to everyone in the room that your son has special needs and requires a special level of respect and attention from the rest of the world. Apparently, however, it wasn't, which is why I'm writing you this letter.
You see, as soon as the door opened up and you dragged your screaming child through the it as gently and patiently as you could, every head in that office turned. "I'm sorry," I heard you say to the nurse, "I tried to calm him down before we got here." But, you see, that's actually a problem. You don't need to apologize. You are a good, normal mom, taking your kid to the doctor. You get to do that without apology. You are not at fault. In reality, the problem, lies in the rest of the waiting room. The rolled eyes. The raised eyebrows. The outraged expressions and whispers as your son got called into the doctor's office ahead of everyone else, because apparently everyone else wanted to sit in a room with your screaming child for an hour. Every gesture, small or large, that amounted to you feeling like you needed to apologize for  taking your kid to the doctor, is the problem.
I'm not a parent. I don't, however, imagine that raising a child is easy. I'd also assume that as the number of challenges they encounter rises, your life gets more difficult at a similar rate. And that at 5 pm on a Thursday, there's probably somewhere you'd prefer to be. But instead, you were in that office with me. You were there because you love your kid, because you prioritize their needs ahead of yours, and because you would rather brave a room full of staring, judging, whisperers than watch your kid be sick. I feel like you didn't get enough credit for that today, and you probably never do. All parenting is impressive, but parenting a kid with special needs takes a special kind of awesome and clearly, you are that kind of awesome. Society won't give you the medal you deserve, and I don't know who you are to give you one of my own, so instead you're getting this letter. It's not much, but hopefully you'll at least remember what an incredible human being you are next time you walk into a crowded doctor's office and and feel a little more super-human and a little less like you need to apologize.

Good luck (and you rock),
That sick girl on her laptop in the doctor's office.